CSI: Crime Scene Investigation S05E05 “Swap Meet”, aired October 28, 2004. IMDB
In “Swap Meet”, the CSI franchise checks another sexual subculture off its list: swingers. While not directly related to BDSM, this episode does illustrate how investigative procedurals like CSI handle alternative sexualities.
The episode opens with aerial scenes of Las Vegas intercut with soft-core style shots of a couple making out. Cut to a hetero couple going to a swingers party in a posh gated community, with the soundtrack of “Vertigo” by U2. This being TV, everybody is younger and prettier than they would be in real life. This being CSI, it’s only a matter of time until a dead body turns up. This time, it’s a woman in a fountain, stabbed in the back and drowned.
The inhabitants of the gated community are cagey about what kind of party the deceased, Vanessa Keaton, was at. It takes Grissom to notice there are sex toys in the dishwasher, reflecting that the “clean” ideal of the community must hide “unclean” secrets. Grissom holds a vibrator like it’s a murder weapon, while the background music suggests comedy.
The hosts of the party, Mr. and Mrs. Brady, admit they are swingers, which is treated like the confession of a crime. In the police interview, they effectively have to defend themselves and their practices. The post-production includes the jagged cuts and extreme closeups that make them look guilty of something.
Mrs. Brady: My husband and I have a very strong marriage. But yes, we enjoy the lifestyle.
Brass: The lifestyle?
Mrs. Brady: We play. Swing.
Grissom: Wife swapping.
Mrs. Brady: Paul and I had a rough patch a few years ago. We almost called it quits. Swinging saved our marriage. It was being with other people that made me realize just how much I love my husband.
Mr. Brady: Erin is the greatest wife in the world.
Sidle: But you still had sex with Vanessa Keaton.
Mr. Brady: Yeah. Yeah. It’s fun.
They also talk about the rules of their practice, which is designed to keep their transgression contained away from their nuclear families.
Mr. Brady: No means no. Arrive as a couple, leave as a couple. Drugs, never. Condoms, condoms always.
Mrs. Brady: No affairs. Sex with someone other than your spouse is only allowed at the parties. No photos, no video. And the kids must never know.We learn that Vanessa Keaton, the deceased, wasn’t following these rules; analysis of used condoms show that she had intercourse with at least four other men, without her husband present. The investigators assume that the motive was jealousy.
Privately, Grissom and Sidle talk about the swingers.
Sidle: I know I’m supposed to be objective, but I think I have a problem with the lifestyle.
Grissom: Well, they’re consenting adults, it’s not illegal. At most, they only hurt themselves.
Sidle: Tell that to Vanessa Keaton. Everyone has a jealousy gene.
Grissom: You think it was a crime of passion?
Sidle: Yeah. When you have to go outside a marriage for passion, you’re in trouble. Or you’re asking for trouble.
Grissom: Well, they say they’re happily married.
Sidle: You think they’re happy?Later, Sidle finds some adult magazines in a man’s desk. Again, Grissom intellectualizes and Sidle judges.
Sidle: Found some porn.
Grissom: Well, nothing new about this stuff. The frescoes at Pompeii were more explicit. The Kama Sutra, and Decameron.
Sidle: Yeah, but that’s art. This [holds up bondage magazine] is not art.
“Swap Meet” also links non-normative sexuality with non-normative family structures, and implicitly the breakdown of the latter. As revealed, the deceased was accidentally killed by her own teenage step-daughter, Amy. She was angered by finding her mother having a private date with a neighbor husband, with whom Amy was also having an affair.
The episode concludes with Grissom and Sidle ironically repeating the swingers’ rules:
Sara Sidle: Arrive as a couple, leave as a couple.
Gil Grissom: No photos, no video.
Sara Sidle: No affairs.
Gil Grissom: And the kids must never know.
The final note of this story is “the kids must never know”. The implication is that the non-monogamous lifestyle of the parents is to blame for their underage daughter having an affair with an older man.
Grissom and Sidle epitomize the two-faced approach CSI has to sexuality. Grissom views it with the same intellectual detachment as everything else, which gives the impression of enlightenment but avoid having to take a moral or political position. Sidle views it with reflexive disgust, as when she examines a woman’s high heeled shoe like it is a harmful drug. But by the end of the episode, Sidle’s view is vindicated. All of CSI’s claims to scientific objectivity obscure its underlying conservative moralism. It draws us in with the vision of a non-monogamous heterosexual paradise and then wags its finger at the viewer for daring to desire. Better to repress your desire for your “work spouse” for years.
Anthony E. Zuiker, co-writer, is one of the creators of the CSI franchise. Naren Shankar and Carol Mendelsohn, the other co-writers, also co-wrote the teleplay for “Lady Heather’s Box”.
The revival series CSI: Vegas returned to the subject of swinging in S01E02, “Honeymoon in Vegas.” In this episode, the murder of a couple leads the investigators to a private swingers club called Scramble. The murders are connected to a blackmail scheme, with video cameras hidden behind mirrors in the blackout room. As typical, the treatment of swinging evokes both prurience (a male CSI gets distracted when he sees two women making out) and disgust (two CSIs make a show out of washing their hands with sanitizer in the club). Same old tropes.
