Dec 232012
 

This feels like one of those post-shark-jump episodes of a TV series, when the whole cast heads off to Hawaii or a dude ranch or something because the writers have run out of ideas. Jack Hyde is in jail so there’s no external threat, and Ana and Christian are married, so there’s no big event to build up to. We still have more than a third of this last book to go and there’s nothing to generate tension except waiting for Christian to blow up again.

We land smoothly at Sardy Field at 12:25 p.m. (MST). Stephan brings the plane to a halt a little way from the main terminal, and through the windows I spot a large VW minivan waiting for us.

See what I mean about trivial details? This is followed by Christian thanking whatshisname-1 and whathisname-2 for the flight, seating arrangements in the minivan and Taylor packing the luggage. If you want to show Christian being in his honeymoon phase of the abuse cycle, have one scene of him being nice to somebody, that’s all that’s necessary. Of all the many, many flaws of these books, these parts are in a way the most aggravating, because they could so easily be cut without affecting anything else. I don’t blame EL James for this as much as the publisher, for doing such a cheap and shoddy job on this manuscript before publishing it.

More class porn, Christian’s house in Aspen, introduction of servants whose name will probably never be relevant, Ana “gapes and blushes” at a billiard table, Ana gets in a jealous snit because Gia designed the house, Ana is shocked that Elliot slept with women before Kate, Ana is homophobic.

 “…I told you, my family assumed I was gay. Celibate, but gay.”
I giggle and begin to relax in his arms. “I thought you were celibate. How wrong I was.” I wrap my arms around him, marveling at the ridiculousness of Christian being gay.

Yet another reason to not care about Ana. (Especially since the “Are you gay?” question back in book 1.)

Ana tries to reassure Christian again that she loves him and won’t leave him, Ana gets drunk over lunch, Ana goes shopping with the girls, Ana spots Elliot secretly meeting with Gia, (This is the new big antagonist of this story, an allegedly promiscuous architect?), Ana shows again that she hates all woman-kind by criticizing the shop clerk’s lip gloss, Ana has to buy a pair of $1000 shoes (poor baby!), Ana drinks some more, Ana listens to Christian and Elliot talk about fishing, Ana has sex with Christian in a bath tub, Ana and Christian exchange emails even though they’re in adjacent rooms…. Oh, just beat me unconscious with a copy of Samuel Richardson’s Clarissa. FSOG has been badly written and offensive, but it’s never been as boring as now.

At least Christian doesn’t flip out because Ana’s wearing a skimpy dress to go clubbing. I suppose there has to be a glint of character development. He does go into “Mine!” mode.

Over dinner:

I glance at the entrance, half expecting to see Gia calmly saunter her well-groomed ass across the restaurant to us. My mind is playing tricks, I suspect it’s the amount of alcohol I’ve had.
My head is beginning to ache.

See? I told you she was a lush.

If anybody cares, Elliot proposes marriage to Kate.

Moving on.

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